College.

Hello blog readers,

it has been a long time,

ever since my last post.

Sorry.

I started my college life!

It was hard,

totally a different level from high school.

The very first time for me to experience "Stress",

before college,

stress were just a word for me.

It does exist in my vocabulary but i don't really understand it.

But now, in college,

finally i get to experience it.

The day before the test ,

my heart beats faster , hand sweating and i gaps for air. 

I never felt this way before, never.

I think this is the first time i took something seriously.

I am currently taking the AUP (American University Program),

at INTI College Subang. 

Major : Engineering.

Now i am in my second semester (gonna end soon).

I meet new friends , learning new things everyday.

Life gets busy ever since i entered college ,

Since it was a short semester ,

I need to study almost everyday , 

and the text book was extremely thick and wordy .

I spent my time on my studies ,

which i never done before ,

I take things seriously ,

exploring new things everyday .

I feel alive.

I changed ever since i entered college , 

I am more friendly and a hyperactive person in college.

People calls me Crazy.

I like the new me,

and dislike the old me.

I used to be the quiet one,

stay silent for everything,

every judgement people made, 

every time i get bullied, 

and also for everything that affects me.

I kept it inside, always.

I am not daring enough to make new friends,

I am not daring enough to fight back,

I am not daring enough to even give my own opinion,

because i was afraid.

I feel i wasn't good enough,

well , everyone does.

But for my case,

I feel i am the worst.

I feel stupid.

I hate myself.

I was living in my own world,

and I don't want to get out of it.

I know it is not right.

But sometimes when you are staying in a old place where the old memories haunted you everyday,

you tend to gets weaker and weaker , 

day by day.

I can't help but feeling hopeless.

I try my best to fight,

I am tired of this feeling.

Why should I be the only one hurting ?

People laugh , while stepping on my pride , as if it was nothing.

I hate it,

I am hurt,

but i could not make a sound.

I know,

I have to prove it.

Instead of fighting back with my words,

I choose action.

I finally i get to leave the old place,

starting my new life in a new environment.

I know things are gonna be fine.

This new place is gonna fix everything up.

I get to act like me, myself , finally.

I am glad that i did not receive any judgement like i did last time.

Fake

Stop acting

Act cute

I feel like slapping you

Stupid

Hippo

Shut up

Bitch

Fat

...

...

...

You never know how much your childish judgement affect me.

I almost think of suicide .. 

Stupid.

I know there are more challenge to face in the future,

and my journey should not stop here.

Just keep on going.

:)

I am happy with my new life,

and i hope that i can get to maintain it. 

- JinggHuann

xoxo.

I am BACK !

* Going crazy with those rules created in reality life. *

Hye everyone IM BACK !!!

It has been a long time since i ever update my blog. 

I miss it. ;((

Okayy,

lets start with my job, 

I worked at Sunway Pyramid in the beginning of Jan,

I tought i was gonna work there until my result came out only i will hang on my resign letter.

But somehow, I couldnt stand the workers over there and i resign after 8 days i worked.

OMG.

I feel like i have no responsibility at all ,

but it is all because of them, 

they had exceed my limits.

- Pay super low.

- No commission. 

- I need to work for long hours.

- The manager sucks. *FUCK*

- I couldnt get along with the people there.

- I can't stand the stupid things they ask me to do.

and and .. etc.

After i resign for a couple of days,

i receive a call from that "manager"

he said he missed me so much and he asked me for a movie.

i wanna reply " FUCK YOU BITCH !!! "

I was really mad of him !

He is the worst guy i ever seen !!

FUCK HIM !  

*************************

After i resigned, i found a job near my house area.

It was an optical shop,

I enjoy working there but somehow sometimes i made some silly mistake and got my workmates in trouble.

:((

****************************

I got my results like FINALLY !!

But it was so unexpected !

I was so disappointed with my results.

When the moment i got it i feel like MY LIFE IS DONE !!

and i couldnt believe i could ever get this kind of shit results.

:((

I was really sad .

I felt like i just lost my future. 

;(

But in the end i decided to pick the course that I wanted to,

no matter what.

I am not gonna let the A s decide my future.

I know i could do better than that. 

A stupid marking skill couldnt make me a better or a worst person in future either.

;)

LIFE GOES ON !!

FIGHTINGGGG !!!!!

**************************

And YES !

I dye my hair !!

In gold. 

* so called blonde *

So here is some picture of it. ;DD

Let me show you my hair colour before i bleach,

and compare with the after.

*taadangg ~ *

HUGE difference right !

XP

My hair is still smooth after i bleach it,

im happyyy. 

;DD

At first I was afraid of dying my hair in blonde because i know asian normally doesnt suits blonde,

but i still wanna give it a try. 

I WANT IT !

And now i did, 

i feel so happy !

I walked around and most of the people said i looks like a korean / Japanese !

;DD

I like my hair colour !

I might bleach it again to achieve a light tone . 

;DD

***************************

With my working experience for these few months.

I learned something new,

and some question pop out in my head at the same time.

Q&A: Why would people likes to blame ?

I wonder why , after one's has done some mistake, though it is small,

but somehow they will take it as a big matter. 

Even if you had tried your best to solve it,

they will still blame on you.

Once you got blame, 

you will feel guilty and scared. 

and in the same time, don't forget you are still working,

you need to work though you are moody.

When one's are not in a good mood or feeling afraid,

the problem starts.

You are gonna mde MORE AND MORE MISTAKE !!

 even you will start wonder " WHY DID I DO THAT ?! "

Once you made a mistake, you get blame, 

once you get blame, you will be moody,

once you are moody, you will no long 100% focus on your job ,

When you dont focus on your job, you made mistakessssssss. 

SEE !

It is like a cycle !

It goes On and On and ON !

I don't see any point of blaming. 

I know sometimes you need to in order to make one's understand.

But still .. 

When mistake occur, solve it FIRST !

And try to TEACH instead of BLAME. 

Because it will end up got worst . 

********************************

Q&A :  Why i can't get along with my workmates ? What I have done ?

Being the new bees in da office,

is the most scariest thing. 

Because everyone are strangers for you, 

you dont know whats their names, attitudes, habits and so on.

And you could just made them mad easily.

The problem starts here.

When you accidentally made someone angry without you yourself knowing,

and that person doesnt tell you what is the problem between you two. 

You knows that he dislike you,

but you dont know the reason,

you wanna ask him,

but,

you are scare.

things like this will alwyas goes ON and OFF and ON and OFF ...

as if there will never be an ending for it. 

you might be boycotted .

****************************

Reality life is so scary,

i miss my school time. 

Ciaoo pipass.

;)

- Jiumiko

xoxo.