College.

Hello blog readers,

it has been a long time,

ever since my last post.

Sorry.

I started my college life!

It was hard,

totally a different level from high school.

The very first time for me to experience "Stress",

before college,

stress were just a word for me.

It does exist in my vocabulary but i don't really understand it.

But now, in college,

finally i get to experience it.

The day before the test ,

my heart beats faster , hand sweating and i gaps for air. 

I never felt this way before, never.

I think this is the first time i took something seriously.

I am currently taking the AUP (American University Program),

at INTI College Subang. 

Major : Engineering.

Now i am in my second semester (gonna end soon).

I meet new friends , learning new things everyday.

Life gets busy ever since i entered college ,

Since it was a short semester ,

I need to study almost everyday , 

and the text book was extremely thick and wordy .

I spent my time on my studies ,

which i never done before ,

I take things seriously ,

exploring new things everyday .

I feel alive.

I changed ever since i entered college , 

I am more friendly and a hyperactive person in college.

People calls me Crazy.

I like the new me,

and dislike the old me.

I used to be the quiet one,

stay silent for everything,

every judgement people made, 

every time i get bullied, 

and also for everything that affects me.

I kept it inside, always.

I am not daring enough to make new friends,

I am not daring enough to fight back,

I am not daring enough to even give my own opinion,

because i was afraid.

I feel i wasn't good enough,

well , everyone does.

But for my case,

I feel i am the worst.

I feel stupid.

I hate myself.

I was living in my own world,

and I don't want to get out of it.

I know it is not right.

But sometimes when you are staying in a old place where the old memories haunted you everyday,

you tend to gets weaker and weaker , 

day by day.

I can't help but feeling hopeless.

I try my best to fight,

I am tired of this feeling.

Why should I be the only one hurting ?

People laugh , while stepping on my pride , as if it was nothing.

I hate it,

I am hurt,

but i could not make a sound.

I know,

I have to prove it.

Instead of fighting back with my words,

I choose action.

I finally i get to leave the old place,

starting my new life in a new environment.

I know things are gonna be fine.

This new place is gonna fix everything up.

I get to act like me, myself , finally.

I am glad that i did not receive any judgement like i did last time.

Fake

Stop acting

Act cute

I feel like slapping you

Stupid

Hippo

Shut up

Bitch

Fat

...

...

...

You never know how much your childish judgement affect me.

I almost think of suicide .. 

Stupid.

I know there are more challenge to face in the future,

and my journey should not stop here.

Just keep on going.

:)

I am happy with my new life,

and i hope that i can get to maintain it. 

- JinggHuann

xoxo.